has it been that long?
yikes. i haven’t written since the middle of march and it’s almost the end of april. i guess it’s safe to say that a lot has happened and is still happening. for instance: i went to west palm beach florida to visit a sweet friend with another sweet friend who actually bought my plane ticket as a chirstmas gift. our time was short but fun…minus an awful experience getting stuck in miami after a day trip we thought would be fun. literally awful. but god was faithful and got us home safely around 2:30 am. it was in florida at erin’s church that i learned about the Daniel fast, which i ended up doing. i started it on april 1st and it last 21days (3 weeks just as daniel from the bible fasted). can i just say that it was severely harder than i thought it would be?! we have no idea how much we take for granted in eating whatever we want. my diet was limited to fruits, vegetables, brown rice, beans/legumes and literally nothing with meat, dairy, eggs, bread or any kind of sugar or sweetener. oh and no caffeine or alcohol. coffee was a huuuuge surrender. at first, i was making it a lot about what food i could or couldn’t have, but slowly i was being shown that it was about sacrifice and the acknowledgment of god in all things. i learned to pray more and read my bible more regularly. i felt led to read the book of romans during the 3 weeks and keep a journal, both of which i did. i think mostly god just wants to teach me complete reliance on him and nothing else, because, well, he knows of my tendency, and all of humanity’s tendency to rely on everything but him. so all in all, i’m glad that i stuck it out and i’m glad for what he taught me and is still teaching me. i also turned 24 years old during that time. that number makes me want to puke and just seems absurd to say that age. but so it goes. i started tutoring little boys from Africa and it has been such a learning experience. they are all so precious and yet already so influenced by the culture and environment they’ve been thrown into. it’s almost over for the school year, but if i have time in the fall again, i’d love to continue so we’ll see. i also was a runway model for the first time a couple weeks ago. that was an interesting experience and i’m glad for it. it was something i thought i’d never do and it looks like i’ll be modeling again next week at a local boutique in clayton for a designer called miss ohio vintage. i think it will have a very different feel. i also officially registered for my classes at fontbonne. i’m signed up for 5 classes and just applied yesterday for a 2-week vigorous summer course. i can’t describe how right it feels to be doing this. and i can’t describe how strange it feels to have school feel right. it hasn’t felt right for a long time, but i know this is what i’m supposed to do. i’ve had uncles on both my mom and dad’s side now tell me that social work is no great thing to go into and that i won’t make any money doing it. they don’t get it. i don’t care about the money. i care about making a difference in the lives of people and about what god has called me to do. i know that my heart is in the right place (which has been affirmed by people and opportunities offered to me) and i know that no matter how much i try, i can’t turn my head and look the other way when so much needs to be done. if people only had a glimpse of what it looked like to see a family who had to flee from their own country due to persecution and war and torture sitting on a carpet as their only means of furniture, and if they could see their look of humility and appreciation when you bring them food or something as simple as a bag of old used clothes and watch their faces light up when they know that someone truly and genuinely cares- then they might get it. we are called to take care of the oppressed, feed the hungry, care for the brokenhearted. and i can’t think of a more meaningful way than to dedicate my life to something with so much purpose. i honestly sit at work day after day and think of being with these people all of the time. they are teaching me more than most people i’ve known for years and they are some of the most precious people i could ever ask to know.
it’s funny because my life literally seems upside down and completely out-of-order. i am in complete upheaval and have a lot of decisions regarding work and money and living situations to make and to figure out…but somehow, i’m going to be ok. i have no clue what my life will look like when august rolls around or even in a month. but i know i’m trying my best to seek god and his plan for me and that’s all i can do. so with that, i fold my hands and lay my head back only to fall into the most trustful arms
